Spinning

I feel trapped. Caught in this daily grind, between who I am now, who I could be, who I wish I was, and who I want to be. Each of these who's has multiple desires, some that conflict and some that play well together.

I am afraid.

Scared that each step I take towards one of these, takes me a step away from all the others. So I'm stuck here spinning in circles, looking for some direction. I know that many of my hopes, dreams and plans will be sacrificed in pursuit of others that will carry me down the path of my future. I hate it! This pulling and stretching and breaking of ME to fit into some mold, just so that I can pursue one of the things any of these who's want of me.

I want to dance till I cant stand,  travel till I've seen the world. I want to learn until my brain is full. 

I need to find love within myself. I need to change the world.

I need to MAKE A DIFFERENCE. 

But most of all I want to be happy with who I AM.

I remember watching someone give a Ted Talk on spoken poetry. She said that any good spoken poem starts with three truths. So here are mine,

1. No matter what I do, the Sun will rise tomorrow.

2. There are expectations for me to be successful financially, academically and socially. 

3. My deepest desire is to change the world.

You get torn apart if you're spread too thin. 

Yet that's the state my mind's been in. 

Having too many interests or cares to stop 

I have no passion that would drive me. 

Instead I dabble, and promise, and try to read further  

Always coming up short 

The strain starts to show

The cracks turn to rips as I think 

'She's Gonna Blow!!'

When you try to solve everyone's problems 

You have no strength left for your own.